Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Resolution and All




It has been 10 days since the New Year has arrived. It is 2012 and like a regular activity everyone has started framing their own New Year resolutions to make their life better. When I say everyone, it includes actors, politicians and various other inhuman kinds (Yes, yes the KRK types). With Jingle Bells still stuck into my head I have formulated a resolution list occupation wise which has enough potential to rescue India and more importantly Mankind.

Actors

Abhishek Bachchan – He is an impotent important man with potential, only potential or is it just the last name notching un-requisite weigh to the first name. Judging by the year 2011 and those which went by like a yawn in context of his career/acting, Bachchan must seriously consider learning the art of choosing. Script that sucks cannot earn.

Aamir Khan – You just need Complan shake to increase your height and then you won’t have to swallow the imminent camouflaged joke by Shahrukh. I am your big fan, hoping someday someone will turn out to be your big cooler.

Shahrukh Khan – Juxtaposition, Aamir listed above is the reason. There are so many people who want to make their unanimous honest confession. I gave them this blog post as a medium to express their heartfelt thoughts. I cannot type whatever they said, since I am in a public domain but the people who witnessed the phenomenon of Rs 132 Crores which you named as Ra.One are feeling uneasy to let you go after being subjected to a 4th dimensional mental asylum that you created. Filing a lawsuit was most appealing them as a perfect buster and then Don2 happened. New thoughts are in process, will update you.
You must take a resolution to make movies which is little above the line of nonsense. If people can appreciate Golmaal then they will definitely look forward to yours.


Kareena Kapoor – Even size “zero” didn’t help. If she were a blonde, she would have thought to go size “minus one”. Who am I to suggest but her most likely new year resolution should be to marry and get settled.

Preity Zinta – I caught you reader. Your expression says, “Oh! Dear lord. This name just ringed a bell in my head. Quick, let me google her.” But her resolution should be; resolute her personal life as Bollywood has long forgotten her as an actress.

Politics

This section can be done as a separate blog post or an essay but going by the trend I veraciously need to pick 6 champions and boil down their potential resolution.

Laloo Prasad Yadav – Without any doubt “King of Fodder” would have made to this list. And, he is here. Welcome him with cow or dung, whatever suits his image for you. His resolution can eat the entire post, that’s a flaw but I tried to cluster everything and form a best resolution. His resolution this year should be to deliver a grand lecture at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, Boston on how technology didn’t help halting the train accidents during his period as the Railway Minister. It was just idea that did. He raised the bar for the people applying for the post of Train Driver in Indian Railways. He went to set up a minimum criterion for train drivers, a proper vision. That was how train accidents were reduced.

Manmohan Singh – He is a man of honour, ethics, culture and silence. I think I got a little distract from the point. His resolution this year should be; “                                    “. There you go. Short, simple and ecstatic.

Suresh Kalmadi – Everything was going great, until CBI started CWG investigation. Long essays have already been written; oozing feeling and sometimes some many bitter words (If you know what I mean). Acting like a sudden dementia ridden chap too didn’t tripped the luck in his favor; his this year resolution should be to focus on his acting skills and make a comeback later with Alzheimer in his sleeves.

Music Industry

Sonu Nigam – Long forgotten veteran singer whose last phenomenal work was the song Kal Ho Na Ho in the movie “Kal Ho Na Ho” that came in early 2000’s. He made a Pre 2012 Resolution; passed his legacy to his child. Nevaan Nigam sang his debut song Why this Kolaveri Di? Gleaming eyes of the father couldn’t hold back as the world Awed Kolaveri Di and Aww at the cutie.

Bappi Lahiri “The Da” – Get some songs and dig in gold. Sorry, but I find no change in his resolution; been same since the year 2000. More strive is needed to attain the goal, else nirvana.

Anu Malik – His search for Indian Idol made him popular after slyly copying musical notes from various genre and country artiste. What my not so astute mind cannot comprehend is; why was Anu Malik searching for India Idol when he is supposed to be the greatest Indian Idle? His potential New Year “Resolution” is “tangled” between originality and plagiarism. I am sure he has lifted his New Year Resolution from somewhere.

Lata Mangeshkarji – Dear reader don’t expect me to write any crypt rant on her, because there isn't any. She is respected by everyone.

Entertainment world

Rakhi Sawant – I can see a smiling face as you read the name. Rakhi is a perfect “skin-silicon” combination. Going by her Intelligence Quotient; she feels Silicon Valley is a place where she’s destined to live; of course after her breast implant. Sadly, she only believes in her “Jeezus” not on stupid resolutions.

Poonam Pandey or @ipoonampandey – As she started shedding her clothes her fanatics started “touching” the new highs (Hehe). 19 year old, internet’s most downloaded “model” of India need to first google the meaning of New Year Resolution to make one for her. Also, it’d interesting to see Poonam Pandey’s internet search history. Finding anything else in search history than “Hottest Bikini Pose” will come as a shock to me, I swear.

Sunny Leone – Hehe. *Runs*

22 comments:

  1. You picked up the apt people to talk about in your list. LoL..

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  2. :) i dont know why SRK is still being talked about ...

    and poonam pandey did she ever do what she said during the cricket torunament I guess i missed all that .. he he he

    and Lata mangeshakar yess she is the best ..

    Bikram's

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  3. I like the one for Manmohan singh and Sunny Leone the best.. haha :D

    bina kuch bole hi bahut kuch bol diya.. :-)

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  4. Did you see Abhishek on Love to hate show? He narrated such sob stories about his struggle...

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  5. Buppi DA :D

    You know, it might actually happen that Lalu talks at MIT :P

    ReplyDelete
  6. GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
    Complan shake and Minus one for kareena kapoor :P
    This was so much fun to read!!!
    You got a funny bone in u!!

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  7. Good!! Now all these celebrities are going to fight among them to make you a personal adviser. Please don't settle for a small amount.

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  8. SliceOfMyLife I have always been a good chooser.

    BikramjitSir, just for post material I dragged SRK into this brawl.

    Deepak 420 Whatay name! Thanks. Would like to see you here often.

    Kunal You are good with word and understanding grasp.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Alka m'am Yes, I saw. Every die hard Abhishek fan cried out loud that day. Heart wrenching story.

    Chintan I can picture the change in their GPA. Mind = Blown.

    Red The last in your comment would be taken as a derogatory remark.

    Giribala m'am Good idea. Some millions in every pocket. I have so many pockets.

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  10. hah! Must admit that it is an innovative thought to write such a post. I wouldn't mind even if you had gone a level up and mocked these people further more. Except Lata Mangeshkar, Sonu Nigam and Aamir, I hate them all.

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  11. Poonam Pandey would make a resolution to shed her clothes at least this year. I am sure.

    Why didn't you write Rahul Gandhi's resolution? He's the best among the best after all...

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  12. Since resolutions are meant to be broken, why make them in the first place! But if you really have to, use celebrities as target practice. Hehe
    Agree SRK's Ra-One was one of the costliest mid life crisis :)

    Aur typos to theek kaaro! Lehri? Preety ringed?

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  13. Vamsi Mutually induced feelings.

    Nethra He is not as good as those who made it to the list, though he has potential.

    Purba m'am Haha! Target screeching practice. Thank you for pointing. It could have lead to an ugly brawl, fanatics are frenetic.

    ReplyDelete
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